Monday, May 31, 2010

Furry Fox


When I went through chemotherapy I was given a regimen called Folfox for the first few treatments. Since I was having some problems with toxicity my regimen was changed to Folfiri. Chemo was no fun at all, not just side effects from the drugs, but also the mental struggle with putting poisons in my body to kill the cancer cells - Cancer, that thing that happens to other people, not me.

While I was going through the infusion, which lasted 48 hours, I could not live my days in denial of my diagnosis, that IV tubing running to the pump hanging on my side was a huge reality-filled slap in the face. During those days I would often break down and cry, wail at the unfairness and swear that I could not make it through any more of it.

I would get a 2 week break in between infusions, and the first week was spent trying to regain my strength and trying to start eating again. The second week was spent giving myself mental encouragement to go through one more treatment. I would tell myself, ". . .just go through one more treatment, it's ok to stop but get as many as you can, I know 12 treatments is a lot, but you can do it. Come on, do ONE more."

And it worked, I was able to psych myself up one treatment at a time. It was too hard to think in terms of six months of treatment. I had to take it one cycle at a time.

Did you get it? Aren't I lame?  FolFOX + FolFIRI = Furry Fox LOL

~ You can see the explanation behind this project by going here or see the all posts in this category by going here. ~


  1. I did get it actually, and you are not lame. I think what you are doing is important, for you certainly, but perhaps for other people, too. Your photos are always wonderful, and it is good to see your thoughts as well. I will be here following along through this year, rooting for you, sending good thoughts your way...

  2. Thank´s for sharing your thoughts and
    I don´t think that was lame about Furry Fox , Rather funny actually :)
    How cute the Fox is , looking straight at you :)

  3. I´m sure you will always think of this experience whenever you see a fox. And it´s NOT lame! :)
    You have shown strength and it should remind you that you can get past this!

  4. Gosh, your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that you had to go through that -- the mental and the physical. That fox is looking for you, but he can't find you because you don't need him anymore ... yay!!!

  5. I do love how you tied these together ... I'm sure it was a bit of a challenge!!!
    And I'm sure that one treatment at a time is the only way to get through something like that.
    Thank you for continuing to share your journey. I'm sure it is cathartic for you and helpful to others.

  6. I got it! lol Love this picture. Foxes are Eler Beth's absolute favorite animal, and she loved this one. When I started showing her a lot of your posts, she asked me why I'd never "introduced" her to your blog before!

  7. what a great capture of the fox. and you paired it so nicely with meaning. i'm glad you've crossed over the threshold of pain/ sickness to enjoy life again. you've shared so much greatness with us. stay strong.

  8. strange how our minds work. I don't think I've ever seen a fox in the wild.
    Better there than in a cancer clinic, for sure!