I have this habit of doing what I call, thinking in circles. For instance, I start feeling pretty confident that all the little cancer cells are gone forever. I feel relieved that I will never again go through chemo and it's all behind me. Then I remind myself that I still need to go for my check ups. Before long, I am thinking, "What if they find something?", "I can't go through all that again.", "I don't want my family to be put through it all again.", "Maybe, I should just not go, do nothing and let things end quickly rather than drag my family through it again.", "But I feel good now, so I don't have to worry about that now.". . . then I'm back to thinking that I'm invincible. On and on these thoughts fly through my head. It's a vicious circle I have been in too many times to count.
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It must be very difficult for you Lisa. My prayers are with you....and I am sending along calming thoughts. Beautiful photo!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what it must be like for you. Positive thoughts are always good though, so we'll all think positive along with you! And what's so bad about thinking invincible?? Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThere has to be a balance between keeping tabs on things and driving yourself nuts worrying about what might happen. It's hard to do sometimes. In 1998 ago I had stage 3 colon cancer which was treated with first surgery then chemo and radiation for what seemed like forever. At the time I had a 50% chance of living 3 years. If I made it 3 years then the odds got better. In 2002 it came back and we did surgery and chemo again. There was one more big surgery in 2004 and 6 years later I am still ticking. As my ex-wife told my current wife, I am hard to kill. I think it is plain stubbornness as much as anything. It's that one day at a time kind of thing. It's that Serenity Prayer kind of thing. Do what you gotta do then don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I do when I can´t sleep at night. In German it´s called "grübeln". You think about one thing and start worrying, about "what if this and this happens". I am very prone to doing this. All that helps me is to put it into the Lord´s Hand, and try to let go. I hope you can do that, because it will bring you peace.
ReplyDeleteYes, being a worry wart, it's a bit of a curse. It would be so hard not to in your situation though. I think it is natural to worry like that. But think positive, think invincible, think good. I will, too.
ReplyDeleteyou have a legitimate reason for thinking in circles after having cancer. it's natural not to want to go through it all or to put your family in that position all over again. but, your checkups are vital. please don't shrug those visits as your at a critical point in recovery. after all, you're going to have great news to share with them when you go to your last visit. hang in there my friend. you're strong, you're a SURVIVOR...
ReplyDeleteMaybe this will help.
ReplyDelete"Tomorrow is a concept. The only reality is today."
Today you are cancer free. Live that way today. It takes practice, and sometimes re-training the mind. But it's SO worth the effort.
Hey, it can't hurt and it might help, right?
Oh, and VERY cool photo by the way.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I agree with your comments about going in circles. I could see where cancer could turn into a bitter circle indeed. However, I also see where it is easy to get lost in the circles. Breaking patterns would be another thought along those lines. I don't know.
ReplyDeleteIt's so easy to fall into that toxic thinking. I am sending positive vibes your way!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm exhausted after reading just that tiny little description! I can only imagine how many thoughts must tiptoe, dance and stumble through the mind of someone going through what you are surviving. But you always have such good attitude. And great photography!
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