What a find!

What is Dennis going to do with these?



Well, he's stacked them up creatively, hasn't he. . .



I asked for a bookshelf for this little nitch and when he saw the crates at a garage sale an idea was born.  This is at the top of the stairs, that little funky landing area.



It's really hard for me to get a good photo of the area but hopefully you can see how cool it is turning out. Some books where they will live.

books or nook?

We are so close to hitting the road to New Orleans, and while getting things gathered up, I paused and thanked my lovely nook once again for keeping me from lugging 5 books in a bag.  The nook takes up a lot less room and weighs a lot less than taking all of those books. :0)

I still need to name my nook, any suggestions?

I caved

Got a Nook, I always shop at Barnes and Noble so it seemed the best choice for me (and all Kindles are sold out around here, lol) Figured they were both good - like Nikon and Canon, just have to choose one and stick to it. So now to adjust - have I mentioned I'm not good with change? Well I will quit torturing everyone about ereaders. :)

Decisions, decisions

When I met my husband, January 2002, we had a little turmoil blending our families - 6 teenagers can make life. . .well, pleasant - NOT! And there were moments I was not sure we would be able to be together. We weren't sure the issues with the kids could be worked out. I'm happy to say they did work out and this May we will be married 7 years.

Now you may wonder what books have to do with any of this. The thing was that during those moments of stress and anguish, when we thought we might have to stop seeing each other I would assure him each time, that I would be ok "I still have my books". I've always been a reader, getting all the reading certificates all through grade school and junior high, earning my lifetime award - uh, yeah, who cares, right. But books have always been a very important part of my life and it was my way of telling him that I would live through it. I wouldn't like it but I would survive.

Eight years later books remain a little joke between us. Through the years I have read many and we have read many more. You see, I pulled him into my love of books and rather than listening to the radio in the car I read to him while he drives. I think I'm just as excited for our trips because of what places books will take us as I am about the places we're going.

He's very good about keeping me stocked in new books, so a few weeks ago when I mentioned my to-read pile was down to just a couple of books he promptly took me on a search to find some new ones. It took a few shopping expeditions but I acquired a nice pile to read alone and to share with him.

Before you ask, yes I have contemplated getting an electronic reader of sorts, it would diminish my need for a book light in bed I assume. But I couldn't take it in the tub with me, could I? Or to the beach, etc? Are they waterproof. Besides, there's something I like about holding it in my hands and turning the pages. The only time I hate my books is when we move, lugging 10+ plastic tubs of books is really not much fun, and our teenagers have since grown and moved out - except for Haden and he's pretty tired of moving my boxes of books around for me, lol.

Oh well, no matter what happens, I still have my books.

Desolation, Isolation and a new novel?

I have always loved books. My absolute favorites are horror, thrillers, suspense, mystery and my favorite author of all time is Dean Koontz. I gobble up everything he puts out the second I can get my hands on it! I love his style, his words flow. . .but I’ve went on and on about him a few times before.

Of course I love Stephen King, weirdnesses and all and I love his son, Joe Hill (Heart-shaped Box), can’t wait to see more. These authors are the reason I cannot walk into a dark room, they are to credit for my healthy fear of spook houses and strangers.

Do you remember King's book/movie, “Misery”? It’s a great movie! Tell me you remember, the author, the greatest fan, the novel. . . Remember the setting? The snow, the loneliness?

Alongside a lake in the Northwoods sits a motel - I use the word loosely - sits a strip of 5 rooms attached - remember Psycho? Well take away the attached office and the ice machine and you have the place - and as we checked into the end room I was impressed, we could get 9 channels on the 13” television, you might have been able to use the end of the bed as the chair and dresser top as your desk. The place doesn’t have A/C (I wonder if it has heat) but you can borrow a fan from the office. No internet to distract you from nature or wild imagination. You are transported to another time and place, another dimension. . .

But it has a charm that only a suspense/horror/thriller/mystery novelist could love. The vibe is only slightly eerie. And as you walk the grounds and look around you can imagine all kinds of things happening there. Will we make it out of here alive? Will we end up buried in the freshly tilled garden? How long will it take for someone to miss us? Will we ever be found or just lay decaying at the bottom of the lake with the fish giving us pedicures?

So all you mystery, horror, suspense, thriller writers just come on up if you need a place to hole up with no distractions. We have tons of snow to help block out the rest of the world. And we have a place you can pound away on those typewriter keys while plaiting your tales of woe and despair.

Oncologist Visit

Sometimes when you meet someone you instantly click. Maybe you can’t put your finger on why you like them but just know that a spark is there.

Other times, you meet someone who seems to rub you wrong and you may not even know why, you just don’t like them and avoid them like the plague.

Then there are those times that you just aren’t sure. They might be ok, but you might end up disliking them. So maybe you give them a chance, check them out a bit and maybe in the end they let you down or you become best friends.

That indecision is what I faced when I met with the new oncologist and his staff this past week. I just don’t know. A part of me wants to grab all my paperwork and keep searching and a part of me wants to wait and see what happens.

I did go ahead and let them schedule my tests that are overdue. So I’ll be going back on July 11th. I still wonder if that was the right decision.

The things that have me wondering if this is the place for me are:

1. They pulled up the national standards for my stage of cancer and that is what they will go by. This means no PET scans unless a CT scan shows an issue. CT scans are cheaper they say. Both of my previous oncologists used PET/CT scans and I fear something may be missed this way. These scans are the only thing that give me piece of mind because my tumor never showed up on a CT scan, nor in my bloodwork. National standards are fine but I would think that oncologists would make decisions on a case by case basis.

2. They fuh-reaked out when they found out my port hadn’t been flushed since January. They wanted to do it right away but couldn’t get approval. So now they think we’ll just see how the tests go then take it out. The taking it out is ok with me if my tests are ok, so this isn’t 100% bad. Just weird that they didn’t want to touch it now.

3. They don’t know if they can remove the port. They say that often their surgeons don’t want to remove a port placed by someone else.

These three things make me feel that they are worried about covering their own butts instead of taking care of mine.

4. They requested that I bring all my records with me yet they didn’t take the time to review them. They got “overwhelmed” by all the paperwork and simply talked to me, then requested more paperwork even though the info they wanted was already included in what I had given them.

5. Part of a normal oncologist visit is that they feel my neck, under my arms, stomach, groin, feeling the lymph nodes and check the ankles for swelling. This was done so quickly that I didn’t feel it was thorough. They did however ask if the node that was biopsied in August could be felt and I told them no, it was too deep and was only seen by the PET because it had uptake. So I’m not so sure the feeling the nodes thing matters on me.

6. They would not help me with my weight issues. They are happy I have a few extra pounds and were very adamant about it. Maybe a regular doctor will help me with that? I just feel like I’m cheating when I have more than one doctor.

There were some good things:

1. They will load all my previous PET/CT scans into their system and give me the cds back. This will make it much easier for me to change doctors in the future.

2. When I told them that my bloodwork, specifically the CEA (cancer marker, there‘s more info here) was always good, even when my cancer was so severe they replied with “Oh, you’re one of those people.” Which leads me to believe they are familiar with people like me. But also furthers my belief that other tests are needed. My CEA levels were never elevated and believe me I had a lot of bloodwork before my diagnosis, I was continually told, “Your blood looks good, your urine looks good, go home”. Normal CEA levels are less than 2.5, the highest mine has ever been was 1.8 and that was while I was on chemo, at tumor time it was .7

3. They see no reason I can’t start taking hormones again which should help with some of my issues. They do advise getting a gynecologist and I’m cool with that. The only reason I don’t have a regular doctor now is because the one I had never wanted to do anything. She always asked, “What did the oncologist say?” So I didn’t see the point in seeing her. Like my husband said though, it felt like once I was diagnosed with cancer she didn’t want to touch me. So, I will find me a regular doctor of gynecologist to take care of my bone density scans (I have osteopenia) and mammograms. Things my previous oncologist took care of as well.

4. They told me of a study conducted which showed that taking an aspirin a day helped colon cancer survivors have less recurrences. The problem is they didn’t think a specific amount was mentioned, so I have no clue how much to take but I will take one 81mg pill a day, it can’t hurt.

After writing all this down I am wondering why I am even going back. Who knows, maybe I won’t. You can bet I will be doing some more research. I am wondering if I could call a place and find out what their typical follow-up procedures are for my stage of cancer before ever walking through their door.

So, I am still frustrated. Maybe it’s time to drag my cancer books back out and study up again. Honestly, it seems like oncologists prefer little old people who just do what they’re told. They aren’t very fond of well educated people asking questions and seeking results.

These are my favorite cancer books. I think I have one or two more around somewhere but maybe I just checked more out of the library. I know right after diagnosis I checked a huge mound out from the library.

But anyway, the huge one, Cancer Survival Guide: Everything you must know and where to go for state-of-the-art treatment of the most common forms of cancer, describes each cancer and the warnings signs, gives advice on how to pick a doctor and places to find support, but the big reason I liked it is that it also tells you what to expect from chemo. So if I had a symptom I could refer to the chemotherapy area, scroll around and know that it was a side effect of chemo or something to be worried about.

The smaller book, There’s No Place Like Hope: A Guide to Beating Cancer in Mind-sized Bites, is full of little tidbits to help get through the day. From diagnosis to everyday life to children and insurance there’s a section for all you will encounter along the way. I found a bookmark left from those days of chemo so I picked one quote from those pages to share with you.

Choose to live each day fully, not merely to draw one day closer to death, for it is within the day’s journey that life’s treasures lie.